I want you to hear the following words as if they’re being ripped from a howling wounded beast.
MY BROWNIE DID NOT WIN THE BRUTAL BROWNIE BATTLE!!!
What. The. Ever-living. Fuck???
I’m wounded. I’m broken.
Well, not really, but, I’m certainly dumbfounded.
So, it went down like this: I made my golden child of a brownie that has always been revered, adored, loved, coveted by others. I was going to make another batch of KA’s Fudge Brownies, but I had run out of chocolate chips (are you friggin’ kidding me?? I ran out of chocolate chips) and Dutch Process Cocoa – not a grocery store ingredient. So I made KA’s Ultimate Chewy Brownie. Simple. Earnest. Ingredients like a box mix. I put them in two different containers: mine in a bag, and the other brownies in a nice box.
It’s like I was setting myself up for failure by putting my golden babies in a humble bag.
The middle schoolers dove into the competition. Their little faces chewed away, and there was thoughtful contemplation in their eyes. They were taking this seriously. Good. This was war.
Then then the fatal blow to my ego came. Out of the 9 kids and 1 adult, only 2 kids liked my brownies over the chewy KA ones. And the adult chose the other brownie.
So, here are my reflections, and I will desperately try to leave my pain and bitterness at this experience to a minimum:
- What middle schooler doesn’t want homemade brownies??! I know, right? And then, it occurred to me. Most moms I know do not make real homemade brownies… homemade for these kids – cause I know their moms – means a Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker box.
- Was this a flaw in my process? Perhaps. Although, two of the kids happily noted they liked my golden-child brownies better. Maybe their moms actually bake.
- The KA Chewy Brownie ingredients look just like when you dump a box in a bowl, add the oil and eggs, and mix it all together and go.
- When I bit into that brownie, my first comment was, “This tastes the most like a box mix of the three I’d made,” although these guys didn’t have the pleasure of the Fudge Brownies from KA.
- This chewy brownie is the familiar taste we all know, and sometimes love. It didn’t surprise me, in that regard, that this recipe won over mine.
- When I tried my golden-child brownie recipe next to the chewy one, I realized how different the flavor profile of mine is based on my secret ingredients…
- I’ll call mine a sophisticated flavor profile – you bite into it, and immediately want to know what’s different. It’s not a “basic” chocolate goodness, it’s another layer of flavor profile depth (and moistness).
- The other recipes I made were very good – they are the simple, basic chocolate goodness that we all know and love in brownies. The KA Fudge Brownie has a deeper flavor profile than the KA Chewy Brownies, but the chewy ones lend a familiarity to our childhood memories that cannot be ignored (dammit).
I will lick my wounds. I will weep silently in a far corner whist no one is around.
I will go on.
Maybe I’ll have an adult flavor profile and a kiddie corner in my bakery. Damned middle schoolers.
stabbed heart image